Have you ever caught yourself saying things like:
- “I think about doing it, but I never actually do it.”
- “I want to change, but somehow, I keep getting stuck.”
- “I make plans, but then I get distracted, and the day slips away.”
- “Even if I try… what’s the use?”
If these sound familiar, you’re not alone. I hear versions of these sentences in therapy all the time. They usually come with a mix of frustration, guilt, and sadness.
From the outside, it may look like procrastination or laziness. But inside, it feels like carrying a quiet, invisible weight that keeps pulling you back no matter how much you want to move forward. The truth is, this struggle isn’t about weakness.
It’s about being caught in patterns — waiting for motivation, doubting your efforts, or making vague plans that collapse with the first distraction. Therapy helps untangle these patterns and shows how small steps can rebuild trust in yourself.
The Invisible Weight of an Unstructured Day
Without the natural rhythm of school, work, or parenting duties, days can blur together. When there’s no fixed structure, it’s easy to think: “I’ll do it later.” But “later” keeps moving until suddenly the whole day is gone.
At the end of the day, the self-talk turns harsh:
- “I wasted another day.”
- “Why can’t I manage even the simplest things?”
- “Other people handle so much more — what’s wrong with me?
That guilt only makes starting harder the next day. Slowly, a cycle forms: no action → guilt → more paralysis.
The Trap of “I’ll Start When I Feel Like It”
We often believe that motivation must come first. The self-talk sounds like:
- “I’ll do it when I feel like it.”
- “I’ll do it when I’m motivated.”
- “I’ll start once I get the energy.”
It feels logical — why force yourself when you don’t feel ready? But here’s the catch: those feelings rarely arrive on their own. Waiting for motivation is like waiting for a bus that never comes.
In reality, motivation usually follows action. Think about the times you didn’t “feel like” exercising, cleaning, or writing — but once you began, the energy slowly came.
Action creates momentum. In therapy, we flip the script: instead of “I’ll do it when I feel like it,” try telling yourself: “I don’t need to feel ready first. I’ll start small, and the motivation will follow.”
The Thought That Blocks Everything: “What’s the Use?”
This is the quietest but heaviest thought. It sounds like:
- “Even if I clean, it’ll get messy again.”
- “Even if I exercise, it won’t make a difference.”
- “Even if I try, nothing in my life will change.”
That thought makes every effort feel pointless, so doing nothing feels safer. But the truth is, small actions are rarely meaningless.
When you tell yourself, “What’s the use?” you’re forgetting that even a five-minute effort is a signal to yourself: “I’m still moving, still alive, still capable.”
Reframing the thought can help: “What’s the use?” becomes “It may not change everything, but it will change how I feel right now.”
The Role of Distraction and Interruptions
Clients often say:
- “I was about to start, but then someone came over.”
- “I planned to do it, but one message or one TV show pulled me away.”
- “Once the flow breaks, I just give up on the whole plan.”
Interruptions are real, especially in busy households. But often the deeper issue is that the plan itself was vague. “I’ll do it sometime today” is fragile — any small distraction can topple it.
A more resilient approach is making specific, time-anchored plans:
- Instead of “I’ll exercise,” try : “I’ll walk for 10 minutes after tea, at 5:30.”
- Instead of “I’ll read,” try being specific: “I’ll read two pages before lunch.”
When the plan has a clear “when” and “how much,” distractions lose their power
Breaking the Cycle of Frustration
The hardest part isn’t just the undone tasks — it’s the self-blame that follows. Each time you say “I’ll do it tomorrow” but don’t, your self-trust takes another hit. Thoughts creep in:
- “I can’t rely on myself.”
- “I always fail.”
- “What’s the point of planning at all?”
Therapy helps soften this harsh self-talk and rebuild self-trust, step by step:
- Start tiny: “I’ll do five minutes, not fifty.”
- Celebrate completion: “I did it, even if it was small.”
- Expect interruptions: “It’s normal to pause. Resuming still counts.”
- Answer hopelessness: “The use is that I’ll feel lighter once it’s done.”
The cycle breaks not with one grand achievement, but with many small acts of keeping promises to yourself.
Coping Responses for “What’s the Use?” Moments
When the thought “What’s the use?” or “I’ll do it when I feel motivated” shows up, try countering it with one of these reminders:
- “It won’t change everything, but it will change how I feel right now.”
- “Even five minutes is progress.”
- “I don’t need to feel motivated first — starting will bring the motivation.”
- “Interruptions don’t erase effort. Starting again still counts.”
- “Doing something feels lighter than doing nothing.”
If you’ve ever thought, “I want to change, but I don’t know why I can’t,” or, “I’ll do it tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes,” or even, “I’ll do it when I feel like it… but that feeling never arrives,” know that you’re not alone.
These aren’t signs of laziness or weakness — they’re signs of being caught in a cycle that many people struggle with. The way forward begins with softening the self-criticism that keeps you stuck and finding gentle ways to build momentum again.
Change doesn’t come in one big leap; it unfolds in small, deliberate steps — one action, one restart, one choice at a time. You don’t need to wait for motivation, and you don’t need to get it perfect.
What you need is a small purpose, a reason to start — and to remind yourself that beginning, exactly where you are with what you can, is already enough.
