Coping with Invalidating Statements Around Mental Health
When someone is struggling with their mental health, one of the hardest things is not just the symptoms themselves, but the reactions of people around them. Many patients share that they feel invisible, misunderstood, or dismissed because of what family members, relatives, or even close friends say in response to their pain.
Statements like “Everyone goes through it,” “You are just overthinking,” or “Snap out of it” can feel invalidating, as if your very real experiences are being denied. Yet, while these statements hurt, it’s also true that most of the time they come from a place of not knowing better.
Families often lack the language and awareness to talk about mental health. They may feel anxious themselves and worry that if they talk about it, they will make things worse.
Some genuinely believe that pushing someone to “think positive” or “stay strong” is a form of motivation. Unfortunately, what is meant to help often ends up silencing the person who is struggling.
Common Invalidating Statements People Hear
- Everyone feels this way sometimes.
- You are just overthinking.
- Stop being so negative.
- Why can’t you just be normal?
- It’s all in your head.
- You have so much to be grateful for, why are you sad?
- Other people have it worse
- Don’t make such a big deal out of it.
- You’re too sensitive.
- Just get busy, and you’ll be fine.
Each of these, in some way, denies the depth of what a person with depression, anxiety, or other struggles is going through. While a passing worry or bad day may be familiar to everyone, mental illness is not the same as everyday stress.
When someone is struggling with their mental health, one of the
hardest things is not just the symptoms , but the reactions of people.
Understanding Where These Statements Come From
- Lack of awareness: Many have never learned about mental health, so they equate it with moodiness or weakness.
- Fear of making it worse: Some families avoid conversations about pain because they think naming it will increase it.
- From their own discomfort: It is difficult to sit with someone else’s suffering. Dismissing it is sometimes their way of coping.
- Attempt at motivation: A parent saying “be strong” may believe they are encouraging resilience, even though it doesn’t feel that way to the one struggling.
This doesn’t make invalidation okay, but reframing their intent can sometimes reduce the sting. Instead of absorbing their words as truth, it helps to remind yourself:
“They may not fully understand what I’m going through. This is their limitation, not a reflection of my worth or reality.”
Parenting as Self-Reflection
When others fail to validate your experience, you can practice offering yourself the care you wish you received. Self-validation doesn’t mean exaggerating your pain—it means recognizing it as real and deserving of attention. Here are some self-validating statements to try:
- What I feel right now is real, and it matters.
- “I may not look sick on the outside, but that doesn’t make my struggle less valid.”
- “It makes sense that I feel this way, given what I’ve been through.”
- “I don’t need others to agree with my pain in order for it to be real.”
- “My emotions are not weaknesses—they are signals.”
- “Healing is not about forcing myself to be okay; it’s about moving at my own pace.”
It is also important to acknowledge that family members—especially parents—may respond with confusion, denial, or even irritation not because they don’t care, but because they care deeply and feel helpless.
For many, mental health was never openly discussed in their generation. Their first instinct is often to “fix” or “motivate,” because sitting with their child’s pain feels unbearable.
In Conclusion
Unless these responses are extreme (dismissive to the point of cruelty, abusive, or repeatedly denying care), it can sometimes help to normalize them: “My parent is saying this because they are scared and don’t know what else to say.”
That doesn’t mean their words don’t hurt, but it allows you to separate their intent from the impact. You can still set boundaries—“That comment doesn’t help me, but I’d like it if you just listened”—while understanding that their clumsy words may be rooted in love, not rejection.
Invalidating statements will likely continue to exist in our families and in society until mental health awareness becomes universal. But your healing does not need to wait for that.
By understanding where these comments come from, validating your own experience, and gently educating others, when possible, you protect yourself while still allowing space for connection.
Remember: your pain is real. Your healing matters. And while not everyone may have the language to say it, you deserve support, care, and compassion on this journey.
